Source: Babylon Bee (Satire)
I got a real kick out of these two articles…, I hope you will too!
Whistleblower Alerts Adam And Eve That God Withholding Knowledge Of Good And Evil From Them
GARDEN OF EDEN—A reputable whistleblower in the form of a snake has reportedly tipped Adam and Eve off to a rumor that God was withholding the knowledge of good and evil from them.
“He’s totally gaslighting you,” the whistleblower said, hanging from a tree.
“You won’t surely die! It’s just another one of His lies.
He’s unconstitutionally withholding the knowledge of good and evil from you—He doesn’t want you to know that you’ll be just like Him. He’s totally jelly.”
“Go ahead, eat the fruit. EAT THE FRUIT, EVE.”
Critics claim the whistleblower has an ulterior motive in reporting this possibly faulty information since he was reportedly thrown out of heaven after an unsuccessful deep state coup attempt.
Demons Beg Jesus To Cast Them Out Of Hysterical Mob Of Liberals And Into Abyss
U.S.—A horde of demons known as “Legion” begged the Lord to cast them out of a hysterical mob of outraged liberals and into the abyss during a violent protest Monday morning.
“Really, we’ll go anywhere,” said the demons. “You can send us to the eternal abyss, for all we care. We just can’t stand the chanting anymore. You can send us into some unclean pigs, a bunch of wild dogs, heck—even cats.” However, they were quickly informed that they cannot be cast into cats, since cats are already demons.
At publishing time, the demons’ request had been granted, but they were horrified to discover they had simply been transferred to a white supremacist group.